‎hi. my name is jason. and i'm addicted to instagram and facebook likes.  and text messages.

we, as a society, live so interconnected. you (yes, YOU) are a couple keystrokes of the very device i'm tying with now away from a "connection."

i might be busy when i get a text or not hear the notification. so much is lost in all these different forms of communication. feeling get hurt, mine especially, when folks don't respond to a message. especially when you're texting someone who's constantly on their phone when you're with them.

although this web is vast and the advancements in technology have made the world smaller and more accessible, i feel the opposite of connected. from you. from myself at times. 

i don't know how, really, to reverse these feelings.

i've tried deleting facebook. i've tried not communicating by text. i've gone years, even, without having internet. those attempts did nothing besides further alienate myself from this thing we call society.

but.

who makes decisions based on what everybody else is doing?

i never used to.‎ at least, i very rarely did

i find myself sharing insignificant information about what i'm doing because i need attention/i want some sort of connection/gratification or just because everybody else is doing it too.

‎again. foolishness.

my goal for the week: no status updates.

top five.

sunrise on sunday. the beginning stages, in general. the beginning of everything. unless its the beginning stages of some drama or something ignorant. the beginning of a really bad movie sometimes throws me off. if the beginning of a book doesn't hook me, it'll make its way to the lightly read section quickly. or not make it into the collection at all. but the beginning of a new season... the beginning of a new year... the beginning of a new routine. so on. these times are like the transfer window for optimism. my favorite is the beginning of a new day. catching as many sunsets as possible and really slowing down to truly enjoy them is admirable but witnessing at least one sunrise every seven days is equally restorative.

the beautiful struggle. it was certainly a struggle mentally and physically making it through this week. but, of course, some beautiful things happened too for equilibrium's sake. i've done a pretty good job of conditioning myself to look at positive and difficult situations as critical moments of growth. i don't necessarily feel like i thrive in them, personally, but i don't approach them with apprehensions i once always would. drilling into my head that there will be some good and some bad with everything, no matter what.

this mixtape full different interpretations of my favorite slum village song.

the roots live album on a sunday. at sunset. on a hot night. while doing your rehab workouts.

commas. my favorite punctuation. i use too many. usually, on purpose. i like ellipses too, though...

dear summer, / the new year

i finished one whole book and maybe a combined three eighths of two others of the two hundred and forty-nine [give or take] books on my reading list this summer. there's the surest sense of empowerment that has been flowing through me all summer because of some of the information that is now apart of my being. perhaps the one constant above the roller coaster ride that has been any and all of my other emotions. i've gone from feeling really isolated to feeling extemely at peace with my independence between a full rotation of the earth. there have been days where i woke up with a feeling indefatigable only to drift into slumber the night of the same calendar square thinking about the fact that making it through the next square was the tallest of tasks. long story short: its been a polarizing eight weeks of summer. fittingly, i'm happy and sad it is over.

that feeling of empowerment is what i'm really trying to concentrate on moving forward. maintaining then spreading it.

one of my first assignments from my latest supervisor is to make goals for the year. i've decided to make monthly goals as well.

here's a few for the next twelve months i wrote down during sunset today:

... to be even smarter with my money than i was this past year. i managed to save enough money so i didn't have to work this summer, i was able to pay rent, i was able to lend [aka 'give'] money to loved ones, AND i was able pay unexpected medical bills. PLUS i spent money on random shit with reserves left to coast to my first paycheck of the new school year: lunch with ex girlfriends, lunch with possible future girlfriends, lunch with the folks, dinner with the staff, the blowing up and mounting of my photography [which will eventually pay for itself and some], a video game, the new miguel album, an old mos def album, bluetooth accessories for my speaker system that lets me put on a song as i'm walking up my stairs so i can open my front door to a kendrick lamar song if its that type of evening, paint, spray paint, wifi [which i guess isn't so random since i was the only person on earth without home access]. i want to put myself in a good position to either buy a car which will make living here simpler [in a sense] or in position to finally move to finally move to new york.

...to take a fucking vacation. be it to puerto rico or just across the bay bridge and into a san francisco hotel for a weekend. or both. sometime before 2016.

to get really strong quad muscles. i want people to assume i grew up playing soccer and to assume i was really good whenever i wear shorts. this had been my goal going into this year and i was really excited about being able to dedicate the abundance of time i typically have in the summer towards this goal as i'd made significant progress in the spring until an unfortunate attempt to run, stop, jump, spin and re-accelerate pressed pause on all of that. my left leg ended up getting really strong as it was the only leg i was able to put weight on for the majority of the last eight weeks. now that i can walk again, my right leg is catching back up. once i can REALLY work out again, its a wrap. buying myself a ronaldo jersey for christmas. i also want to take dance and yoga classes, which i was going to make its own separate goal.

to write more. i feel like i used to be really good. now i feel like i suck. i blame technology. gotta get that feeling back along with my three point jumpshot that was curry-esque before i went all out baseball in high school.

to lay the foundation for a business [which will, i think, help all the aforementioned goals].

i'm also going to make this another excellent work year. maybe i should have said that first. for the last decade i've dedicated a significant part of life to my work. happily. my grandma told me recently, one aries to another, that it was time to start putting number one first.

top five [things that i'm over].

‎the police. the time to start prosecuting these trigger happy ass cops is over due.m

mainstream media covering stupid ass people like kanye's in-laws.

these short ass showers i gotta take.

the clippers.‎ i almost like them less than the police.

the fact that, according to the guide on my television, black-ish starts at 9:01. racism. 

top five.

‎steve harvey's facial expressions on family fued. sometimes the rerun after i get home from work is much needed comic relief. 

a conversation with a six year old student on anti-gravity.‎ a young mind expanding exponentially is one of the coolest things to witness.

the spring break/birthday combination is a built in win every year.

my little brother's budding rap career.‎ pun not included. there are a lot of artist bringing my excitement back for hip-hop, artist who i actually go to the record store to support. it's crazy this little kid who grew up in the room next to mine is one of those artist.

california. i really need a vacation. i've been jealous of all the folks i know who've been able to travel to all these awesome locations around the globe. i've been blessed to see lots of things and places to this point in my life and surely there are places on my list that will be eventually checked off, but while i wait for those opportunities i'm also blessed to live in a place so many people around the world have on their own checklists. springtime sunshine on a sunday in oakland is nothing to take for granted.

top five.

(my five favorite things this week)

equinox (even though it's been spring in cali since thanksgiving).

top five is out on dvd. ‎black written/directed/produced, making it a must buy.

kendrick lamar's genius. he's like a trumpet playing stokely carmichael trapped inside a slam poet who decided to take over hip-hop.

family time.‎ whenever there's strife, even if the strife is family produced, being around family always makes me feel good.

last week, definitely the worst in a long while, is over and done with.‎ and while some of its problems remain present, i'm not about to have back to back terrible weeks. just not gon happen.

let's just take our time & be perfect.

i'm dedicating year thirty-one, in honor of all the years that came before it, to all the [hopefully many] years that follow it.

‎