memories live.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

dear summer, / the new year

i finished one whole book and maybe a combined three eighths of two others of the two hundred and forty-nine [give or take] books on my reading list this summer. there's the surest sense of empowerment that has been flowing through me all summer because of some of the information that is now apart of my being. perhaps the one constant above the roller coaster ride that has been any and all of my other emotions. i've gone from feeling really isolated to feeling extemely at peace with my independence between a full rotation of the earth. there have been days where i woke up with a feeling indefatigable only to drift into slumber the night of the same calendar square thinking about the fact that making it through the next square was the tallest of tasks. long story short: its been a polarizing eight weeks of summer. fittingly, i'm happy and sad it is over.

that feeling of empowerment is what i'm really trying to concentrate on moving forward. maintaining then spreading it.

one of my first assignments from my latest supervisor is to make goals for the year. i've decided to make monthly goals as well.

here's a few for the next twelve months i wrote down during sunset today:

... to be even smarter with my money than i was this past year. i managed to save enough money so i didn't have to work this summer, i was able to pay rent, i was able to lend [aka 'give'] money to loved ones, AND i was able pay unexpected medical bills. PLUS i spent money on random shit with reserves left to coast to my first paycheck of the new school year: lunch with ex girlfriends, lunch with possible future girlfriends, lunch with the folks, dinner with the staff, the blowing up and mounting of my photography [which will eventually pay for itself and some], a video game, the new miguel album, an old mos def album, bluetooth accessories for my speaker system that lets me put on a song as i'm walking up my stairs so i can open my front door to a kendrick lamar song if its that type of evening, paint, spray paint, wifi [which i guess isn't so random since i was the only person on earth without home access]. i want to put myself in a good position to either buy a car which will make living here simpler [in a sense] or in position to finally move to finally move to new york.

...to take a fucking vacation. be it to puerto rico or just across the bay bridge and into a san francisco hotel for a weekend. or both. sometime before 2016.

to get really strong quad muscles. i want people to assume i grew up playing soccer and to assume i was really good whenever i wear shorts. this had been my goal going into this year and i was really excited about being able to dedicate the abundance of time i typically have in the summer towards this goal as i'd made significant progress in the spring until an unfortunate attempt to run, stop, jump, spin and re-accelerate pressed pause on all of that. my left leg ended up getting really strong as it was the only leg i was able to put weight on for the majority of the last eight weeks. now that i can walk again, my right leg is catching back up. once i can REALLY work out again, its a wrap. buying myself a ronaldo jersey for christmas. i also want to take dance and yoga classes, which i was going to make its own separate goal.

to write more. i feel like i used to be really good. now i feel like i suck. i blame technology. gotta get that feeling back along with my three point jumpshot that was curry-esque before i went all out baseball in high school.

to lay the foundation for a business [which will, i think, help all the aforementioned goals].

i'm also going to make this another excellent work year. maybe i should have said that first. for the last decade i've dedicated a significant part of life to my work. happily. my grandma told me recently, one aries to another, that it was time to start putting number one first.

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